Meanies don't take Bubbles Baths
by Amorous Malboro
Summary: Soon to be continued tale of the blossoming misadventures and semi romantic, awkward encounters between one excitable thief and one very mentally exasperated seasoned ex warrior monk. Set in game, with a fluffy center around Auron and Rikku.


Meanies don't take Bubble Baths

A/N: Dedicated to Wickedsugarrush because Auron is our favorite, tight-assed ex-warrior monk and because we're devoted Rikku/Auron sickos.

Hahahaha, review or die.

* * *

Along the road, the only thing in sight for many walking miles around was most definitely fiend inhabited grassland and forest. There was no excitement beyond the first mile of Spiran land, because after one mile, vicious and persistent fiends do not stop. When one is dealing with this for hours on end and one has already done this for much of his life, he begins to become slightly angry, maybe even more than aggravated. When one is naïve, blonde and not as deft with a sword however, Spira is a great place to spend walking around in, fiends be damned.

This was why Auron snarled angrily when Tidus suggested they keep moving, and that no one needed an inn to rest at. Normally, Auron would not have been as ridiculously angry, but a combination of sun and lack of sake had been the death of his patience. Tidus chipping in about continuing onward meant no drinking, which meant a very irate ex-warrior monk. Auron was not prepared to be calm today.

The inn was Al Bhed run, and now that the group had stepped in, he remembered it as having been something they never would have even paid much attention to before acquiring the girl.

And of course when he said "girl" Auron meant Rikku and not Lady Yuna. Yuna was the epitome of respect and prudence.

Rikku was…Rikku.

In any case, the bath felt exceedingly wonderful to his skin that night. He might've been a walking dead, but he did assume a physical body. He felt it when the steamy water rolled from his head to his shoulders, over a strong and very tan chest; he felt it too, when a fiend raked him with claws, when a bite or a sting connected. He, like anybody alive, bled. He had scars to prove it.

He leaned his neck back against the porcelain of the four-legged tub as he sank in the froth of the bubble water. Yes he, Auron, Legendary Guardian, had a guilty pleasure and yes, it was bubble baths.

He snorted to himself; a few stray bubbles floated down to rest on his nose like tiny white cherry blossoms. Oh, if they only knew about this, he thought, his reputation would be totally gone. Auron, legendary katana-wielding spawn of Anti-Yevon and eternal Sin-slayer would become Auron, Perfumed Frequenter of Bubbly Baths and Lovely Lucan Soaps. No one needed to know he even bathed, let alone that he bought his product from a boutique. The proprietor just so happened to be a man that owed Auron his life, and in return, a lifetime of relaxing soap was at the warrior's disposal. Bad luck for the shopkeeper that Auron had died and come back again. Auron stared at his exposed toes and wiggled one half-mindedly. No, if he told, Auron would personally make sure that Masamune was the last thing he saw.

Smug and satisfied, he sank to his nose in bubbles, his eyes drawn back as though he were smiling but his mouth unseen. His streaked black and gray hair floated out on top of the water, creating a sort of wreath about his exposed cheekbones. Everything was so very perfect now that the boy (his responsibility) and Lady Yuna (also his responsibility) had begun noticing more of each other. Of course, Auron did not approve, but it kept Tidus quiet most of the time; in itself, this was an irreplaceable gift to Auron. And even though Rikku could get them all into really big trouble most of the time, she was able to get them discounts on Al Bhed run inns anywhere, and that was also a big bonus to Auron. The man that owed Auron his life was an Al Bhed, and his fancy selection of soaps that Auron liked to use were in every Al Bhed inn and ONLY Al Bhed inns. Even if she wouldn't shut up at all, the soap alone was worth his bath and meditation time.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose. Then he slipped his whole body underwater, lingering in the fluid peace he had while there.

* * *

"Okay, so maybe I'm not the greatest gambler in Spira, but who cares? It pays off if you have sticky fingers, eh heh heh heh! Now I can pay back Auron that loan he doesn't know he gave me."

Rikku edged her way down the dark hall, trying to use her thief stealth abilities to avoid making loud noises, her back pressed against the wall. To be totally sure that no one noticed her she was even beginning to think of casting silence and dark on anybody who unluckily crossed her path, but so far there had been no one. After all, getting kicked out of and banned from her own kind's inn would be bad enough, but getting everybody kicked out and banned would be worse and could ultimately lead to a rage-induced bought of yelling and a vengeful Masamune after her blood. Auron was very demandingly demure in concerns over his sleep; he liked it and he liked it deeply, and he hated anyone who disturbed him more than Malboros or Maester Seymour's psychobitch giggling.

Rikku became extra cautious around his door when she reached it, but despite her concentration and stealth, she couldn't help but feel slightly smug at her attempted duping of a Legendary Guardian like Auron (especially one so expressively disdainful 24/7). She reached a small hand for the door knob and twisted gently, the smile now triumphant and large. The green, swirly eyes sparkled in the darkness with glee. Auron would never know what had –

The door was locked.

Rikku stepped back. The smile repelled itself. A small, three letter word hit her squarely, silently, mentally.

Duh.

She wanted very much to scream right now, but that would've ruined her plan and exposed her completely. She settled instead for a series of flailing movements, gestures and twisted facial expressions that represented possible anger and frustration.

A couple minutes of anguish in the corridor later, she was sitting in front of the door in a little heap, her head in her hands. It was useless to listen, Auron did not snore in his sleep. Rikku tried to reason with herself. He had to be asleep at this hour, right? It was past the middle night hour and maybe an hour or two beyond. Auron had even seemed tired when they stopped. Rikku decided that he probably wouldn't see her if she just tossed the gil in and ran away, so as long as she could pick the lock silently, she was as good as saved.

A smile once again graced her features. Deviation was indeed one of her talents. Rikku removed an object that was thin and metal, slightly jagged, from her blonde hair. It resembled a pin. With prowess, she jammed it noiselessly into the lock's little alcove and began working away.

* * *

Auron felt the pressure in his chest from the lack of air, but he kept submerged. There was something about the serenity of being underwater, weightless, which appealed to him. From here the world was even more quiet than usual. He pondered vaguely if Tidus maybe could stop talking on those rare, liquid rendezvous he adored as a blitzer. Auron's lips pressed together tightly, and a small stream of bubbles escaped his nose. He was so practiced that he stayed perfectly still even though the pressure was starting to build. He did not hear the door open soundlessly, nor did he see the petite, slinking shadow enter.

* * *

Rikku half-expected a rush and then a heavy sword descending at her throat any second now, but she kept driving off the nervousness with a mental chant of 'He's just sleeping, he can't hear you, he's just sleeping, he can't hear you.'

She placed careful footsteps into the dark room; some part of her believed he had an anti-Rikku alarm system (complete with mines) installed. The other part of her was stuck somewhere between logic and the terror of being discovered.

The place was dark, but unscrupulously tidy for a man's room. It was an antique inn and set up differently from most, so the furniture was a little creaky and the rooms more oddly constructed, but overall quite homey. Rikku wanted to titter at the thought of Auron sleeping in a fluffy four poster with lace and frills, but she kept silent for the mission.

She approached the bed even more cautiously, slowly, glancing here and there for signs of movement. She didn't detect any malign traps though, and in the shadows she finally came to the edge of the bed. Rikku at least wanted to make a conquering and snide victory face to him even if he couldn't see it. 'I'll bet he drools in his sleep,' she thought evilly. She reached a hand to her backpack, feeling the orb beneath it. She grinned. Rikku had her own instruments of torture, oh yes. Recording spheres do not make noise, and their clarity is quite adept, even in darkness. Maybe a little blackmail would convince Auron to stop being such a meanie to her all the time.

She would have kept grinning if not for the fact that she noticed a very big hole in her plans. Auron was not asleep, no. Auron was not even in bed.

She immediately switched into panic mode. He wasn't asleep, she saw no traps, and worst of all, there was no sign of Masamune anywhere. Thoughts of being ambushed and cut down frightened her. Rikku would have made a hasty exit had she not noticed something else oddly out of place.

Hanging near the edge of the bed, in perfectly plain sight, was Auron's red coat. Rikku stopped cold. Auron did not leave without that crime of fashion (though Tidus was decidedly guilty of being worse – his wardrobe was a train wreck even to the Al Bhed) and Rikku guessed that because of that, he must still be there. But where? She hadn't considered that he had left, but maybe he had gone out to buy a potion or something…

The shop was closed now.

Rikku heard the little voice yell 'DUH' again. She frowned. Out drinking that sake (or whatever was in that jug of his) by the moon? Nah. Sounded too poetic, and Auron was not poetic.

Or at least, Rikku thought he wasn't…maybe…

Maybe she was judging him too deeply.

Maybe Auron was out drinking sake. He liked it. It was understandable. Even Auron needed Auron time. Rikku hoped she was right and this whole ordeal wouldn't end in blood—mainly hers.

She reached for the red coat and felt around until she found the inside pocket where Auron kept his money purse. She delved into the pocket, expecting to pull out the little silken drawstring bag, only to find…

…nothing.

Auron's bag was gone too. Rikku frowned deeper. Surely he wouldn't have taken it with him? No stores were open now, not even inn ones. Auron would know this. Maybe theft prevention? No, Auron didn't seem to care that much; he never bought anything more than sake or a few items for his stock. Rikku sighed silently. 'This was so totally a waste of time,' she grumbled mentally.

She was contemplating leaving the gil in an obvious place and blaming it on a generous late night cleaning lady (or perhaps an admirer) when she saw the open door way to the bathroom. Maybe one last look wouldn't kill her. 'It's not like he's camped out in there or something. He's totally not taking a bath. I can even see that the tub has nobody in it.' Rikku nodded to herself for extra comfort. There was nobody in there, which meant that Auron was most definitely not present. She convinced herself it was the sake. It had to be. She strode into the bathroom, now completely unafraid.

She did notice that the tub wasn't empty about 5 seconds upon entering, but it was frothed with a plethora of foam bubbles and obviously quite still. Rikku smiled at her silly thoughts. 'That's the last place Auron would be. He's too much of a stiff for bubbles.' She located his silk money bag on the bath counter and walked over to it as she realized this plan was coming together perfectly.

The only dismay (or even worry) she felt was vague and due to the fact that she saw that the bag was open and gil was spilling out. Had he counted it already, or perhaps, taken some? Did he know of Rikku's obtrusive loan? Was he gone now in her room, looking for something to blackmail her with, or even worse, equipped with Masamune to kill her for her petty gambling and horrendous non-guardian like behavior? Rikku felt a horrible, gut-wrenching sensation. Auron was hunting her!

She hastily grabbed the money she owed him and paid it back by cramming it into the silk bag. Gil began to fall out of her grasp as she tried to get it all in. She felt very pressed for time as she worked; outwardly she appeared like the victim of a poorly practiced Haste spell: jumpy and quick with agile, though clumsy, fingers. She scooped up the gil she had dropped and left it out on the counter where its brethren lay, hoping Auron wouldn't notice if he hadn't counted it yet.

'Next order of business: escape the crazy samurai!' Rikku looked around for anything that could deflect the brunt of a katana strike… and failed. She began to panic, and when Rikku panicked, she got fidgety. When Rikku got the fidgets, her sticky fingers turned into butterfingers. In desperate foolishness she closed the bathroom door and locked all three locks. Overboard maybe, but a door would hold an angry warrior long enough for Rikku to blow a hole in the wall with a Sunburst overdrive and escape certain, honorably messy death.

Finally her stealth mode was overridden and she sighed aloud, her feet clattering against the ground as she sank to the floor. Just a moment here resting might calm her. She began to sing a nursery rhyme she had been taught in Al Bhed as a child.

* * *

Auron knew he couldn't hold for much longer. At first when the initial amount of increased pressure had started, he'd thought he heard someone moving around, but he wasn't exactly certain of his senses in water. Everything became a no-gravity place of distortion.

But this was weird. He thought he could hear singing, and though its lyrics were not clear, the tempo and volume was near.

As the last bits of air threatened to leave him and his lungs felt on the verge of exploding, he finally decided that meditation time was over. He let his legs move to find solid footing on the porcelain bottom of the tub and his arms surfaced from the water to grip the edges of bath. His head emerged and he gasped a great breath of sweet, welcome air.

The water still clung to his wet body, and his hair was glued to his back and around his shoulders, dribbling pleasantly over his abdomen. The brunt of it still washed over his face and he brushed back the hair, smoothing it over to reveal his forehead. He finally stood at his full height, one foot over the edge of the bath, the bubbled foam sliding off his leg. His one good eye opened.

There, practically rigid with fear and awe, sat Rikku.

* * *

She had been right in the middle of her favorite lyric of the song, right to the part where her confidence was building up again, and now, then, this.

It was like all her lingering fear had called for back up and summoned him up; he popped out of the bath like a Macalania lake fiend hungry for dinner.

Rikku did the only thing she knew how to do in a situation like this.

She screamed. Loud.

He had rightfully scared her. But now it was over. Kind of. At least, the fear part of "what-the-hell-is-that-in-the-bathroom-omg." The good side, Rikku tried to reason as she scrambled to her feet (which felt like flan flippers), was that Masamune was not in his hands.

The bad things? Where to start…?

Breaking and entering, theft, deception, blackmail, violent escapes, disruption of his personal space and time and of course the fact that a Legendary Guardian was now standing stark nude in front of her.

Rikku knew her options. Staring was not one of them, but she couldn't exactly tear her eyes easily away and pretend she wasn't looking at his naughty bit.

Apparently, Auron owned 2 Masamunes. A little voice in Rikku's head proclaimed that both were very impressive.

She blushed an unhealthy hue, the heat rising to her eyeballs and spreading to her ears.

Oh Yevon.

Auron, at first, did not fully understand what had just happened. He distinctly remembered that he had locked his door. He blanched. That pilfering, little Al Bhed had broken in, and if Auron knew Rikku, he knew her rap sheet. She was here for a reason. His eyes glanced very briefly at the table where his silk bag of gil was spilled on the counter. Untouched. Whatever she came for, it was strange to him that she would lock herself in his bathroom and make her presence known. If she knew he was there from the beginning, she wouldn't have yelled in surprise.

Something stunk and it certainly wasn't either of them. Auron knew he smelled good. It was then that the revelation that he was nude in front of a young woman hit him.

Naked would not have been fitting for someone of his rank. People like Auron were never naked, exposed, or something to be pitied. Auron was one of those men who could gain respectful looks (and probably a lot more than that) if he walked around Spira without clothes on, so it went without saying that he didn't have a fit at being seen. It was more like he was so proper that displaying himself openly (especially to somebody relatively innocent like Rikku) was more embarrassing than actually being nude.

Even so, something in his head was chuckling, and it was probably the male ego section that had just swelled at Rikku's blush. She was as red as an unripened cactuar fruit. His lower lip twitched at the corner as he desperately fought a sneer.

"Rikku…,"

She flinched at the sound of her name and painfully pulled her eyes from down below. There was shame in those two green whirlpools—shame and maybe a little fear. Also…desire? She made a small noise and bit her lip, backing completely against the door.

'What's wrong with you, Rikku?! Haven't you ever seen…well…I guess you haven't yet…until now, that is. But, he's too old for you anyway…even if he does have that line of muscle on his abdomen, or that perfectly sculpted—NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Baaad Rikku!' A war was brewing in her head. She was grateful that being a Legendary Guardian didn't mean you could read minds. She glanced at his face for a moment, and there was smug pride in it mixed with a mask of false anger. Even now, he was being a complete meanie in his own way. Her eyes fell back down and trailed up his body from his head to his toes.

So many scars littered his body, like a road map of the past. They were well placed fiend marks, though, essentially a bunch of permanent tattoos that made him all the more alluring. A rather large, hooking scar across his chest made Rikku think of the strike of a Malboro tentacle, or perhaps maybe the talon of a Zu. She didn't realize she'd started staring again.

"Enjoying the view?"

"Urp!" This time her face flew up and she banged her head on the door. She gave a small cry of pain and then began a string of stuttering that was neither Al Bhed nor common language, her ears turning bright shades of pink.

Auron strode up close to her and she shut up immediately, pressing herself tightly against the door as she wondered how close he would dare to approach.

Apparently Auron's perception of personal space was a lot tighter than Rikku's. He wasn't touching her, but he was fairly shy of nipping her on the nose if he'd wanted to. She could smell the scent of sweet musk on him; he smelled like after a rain shower, but slightly deeper and stronger. She began mumbling in Al Bhed and fidgeting with both her hands placed against the door. Even the thought of him brushing against her with…that…would send her overboard crazy.

Auron observed her nervously squealing, piteously trying to quietly do so, and squirming at his approach. He liked this. Rikku, the dominant she-mouth of the party, was reduced to jittering and incomprehensible bits and pieces of words at the simple sight of him without pants. It was like smothering Sin with a simple poke of the katana and going home for tea afterwards. He decided it was worth his amusement to see her uncomfortable.

He was pretty sure that she didn't even notice him undoing the locks on the door. She was too absorbed in keeping her face away from his. He, on the other hand enjoyed toying with her, and so placed his face in such a direct position that she was forced to stare into his russet eye.

"I will not ask you what you were doing in my room at such an hour, Rikku. I will simply suggest to you that you should go to bed, and quickly. We've got an early start tomorrow."

He leaned in very close, perhaps even too close, and squished the tip of his nose on hers. She smelled distinct sake on his breath. He gave her an intense stare and then said in finality, "Good night." She didn't really know what to do until he had opened the door and promptly shoved her out, slamming it harshly before she fell on her butt on the ground.

Rage bubbled up inside the Al Bhed girl almost as quickly as the embarrassment left.

"Oooooh, you're SUCH A _**MEANIEEEE**_!"


End file.
